Moncton Reality Therapy Consultants

Creating a world where people experience "Happy Relationships"

Do you sometimes give away the control of your life? It is like giving someone the keys to your car and letting them take you wherever they want to go.  How often do you give your keys away? How often do you end up bickering and arguing in your relationship over the smallest, crazy things?

Someone will argue with me over this one. But what is control all about? For me it is the act of wanting to control someone else or something. Hopefully those reading this understand that we just cannot control another person but some people work so hard at it!

Relationship control comes in four forms

1. I want you to do something you don’t want to do

2. You want me to do something I don’t want to do

3. We both want each other to do something neither wants to do

4. We are forcing ourselves to do something we don’t want to do.

You see we are all doing the best we can at the time to get something that we want. When we get that, it will satisfy one or more of our five basic needs – Love and Belonging, Power, Fun and Freedom.  Why do we end up using so much external control? That’s easy. It is because we do not know what else to do and right from birth we have learned to control another person. 

Here is how it happens. When you are born, you are born knowing what feels good and what does not feel good. You are born with the behavior of crying. We cry to get what we want. We cry when we are hungry. Some warm, caring person comes along and picks us up and feeds us.  That felt good so now we know that if we cry we can get some help. We can control that big person to look after us. Right or wrong, this is what we learn. 

In reality though, we are driven from within, to satisfy our own basic needs and we are always behaving to meet them. We do that by forming pictures of people, places and things that are important to us and then we go after what we want ( those pictures). We even learn and take on some of  our limiting beliefs at this time because we are connected to the people who take care of us and they are our biggest influencers. We could write about this for days. What I have been talking about is the difference between external control and internal control as taught by Dr. William Glasser.

Want more info? www.choicetheorytraining.com or www.maureencraigmcintosh.com

I had an interesting experience this week that got me thinking into social media and relationships. I attended a workshop on social media and heard about all the devastating events that can happen along with all the positives ideas. A comment was made that when someone is extremely negative about something you post, that it would be wise to not engage in that conversation.

As I think about this and as I think about social media, I realize that I have knowledge that could be useful to the world in terms of understanding this person and realizing the reason for their behaviour. All behaviour is purposeful so when someone posts this way, don’t take it personally because this person is only attempting to get something that they want.

You see “ all behaviour is designed to get us something that we want”. We have a picture in our head of what we want. So when someone sets out on a rant or a negative pursuit, it is important to understand it is THEIR best behaviour at the time to get what THEY want. It really has nothing to do with you.

One of my most favoured questions to ask in this situation is this: What is it you want by (describe the behaviour) that you are not getting? The answer may surprise you. We cannot always get what we want but we can get some of what we need. Sometimes just asking this question the person will feel listened to and it could be need satisfying, thus reducing the frustration for both parties where a real conversation could be held.

Maybe I am dreaming but learning this ideas could impact the whole world of social media and how we treat each other. I have been teaching these ideas for 28 years for use in the real world so why not in the social media world?

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I received two e-mails today and both said in the heading: Perfect!!  As somewhat of a perfectionist, this was music to my ears. You see, I have been accused over the years as being a perfectionist! Something others saw in me but I did not see in myself.

When I became consciously aware of this, I began to see my imperfections as a perfectionist! Yes, there are times when I want things to be just so and this can be a detriment to someone in business for themselves. You see, we have a tendency to  want everything just right before we put it out there for the world to see, especially in this world of social media.

One of my mentors Paul Martineli uses the phrase “ just do it and build your wings on the way down”. I have been doing more of that but it is very hard to let myself do it. The good news! It is actually working for me. It does not hurt to just do it and see what happens!

Where did you get your relationship education?

Recently, I spent the first half of the day in a Social Media workshop. It was a lot of fun and very validating for me. There were many people in the room who have no social media plan and then there were people in the room who have websites and that is about it and then there were people like me who try to cover all the bases.

It was a fun morning and quite validating, I kept hearing one theme though. It was the stories about relationship building on line. The speaker kept saying " well, you know about relationships, you know what to do but looking around the room I was not so sure.

Once again here we are entering into relationships on line just promoting ourselves, our products and now we are being told to tell our story and share our selves and our experiences. This is what being social is all about!

It is like marriage really, where did you get your relationship education? Do we really know how to relate well to one and another. The presenter kept saying that it is not ok to be negative on face book, that face book is like our living room and it is to be a nice place. 


Heath J.

In my mid-30s, I made a life-changing decision to return to university. I sold my house and my car and moved to another country with my partner. It was all in pursuit of a dream career as a university professor. The problem? It made me miserable. Back in Canada for a few months, I sought out Maureen’s counsel. The decision was difficult for me: spend another two years studying something I disliked in a foreign country, but get closer to my dream job, or stop studying and pursue an alternate career path. Maureen never pressured, never judged. She taught me about choice theory, and helped me to identify and manage my insecurities. I found her to be a trustworthy, friendly voice of reason in a difficult, trying time.

I stopped my university studies, and a month later accepted an extremely fulfilling job as a college instructor and department head. I have the job I would have wanted, even if I had finished my degree. I feel happy, challenged and fulfilled. My personal relationships have also benefited from my certainty of choice and confidence. Maureen helped me find my way, and I am grateful for her wise counsel.

Heath J., Moncton


I thank you for all the opportunities and support you have given me over the many years of our friendship.

My relationship with you and Choice Choice theory has constantly guided and directed my life in a positive direction. The ability to change my thinking enriches my life each day. It helped me survive during the days of my deepest grief. You love your life and all those you have helped love you!

Barbara Rombough

Liette M. Collier

Choice Theory is a powerful life-changing tool. Its language has become a part of me and brings shared-awareness to my family and friends, clients, group participants, and work peers alike. Once we acknowledge the power of choice, that we own it, and that the impact of benefits and consequences alike are ours, we become not only empowered but also released from limiting beliefs and false boundaries.

Liette M. Collier

Robin Sauve

Maureen is a true expert in Choice Theory. She finds a way to apply relevant, practical applications of the theory into real life. Through coaching, Maureen invests a lot of time with her clients, making sure we consider all options. She is an excellent compassionate guide in this journey called life.

Robin Sauve, Marketing Manager

Wholesale & Specialty Products at Irving Oil

Carleen Glasser

Maureen is an outstanding faculty member of the William Glasser Institute! She has expertise in so many areas of the helping professions her contributions to the well-being and happiness of countless people of all ages is truly commendable. If only they could clone Maureen the world would be such a better place!

Carleen Glasser, CEO William Glasser, Inc.

Senior Faculty, Glasser Institute

Laura Prisc

I have been blessed to work with Maureen for several months, as my personal coach. She has skillfully facilitated my personal growth by asking the kinds of questions that require me to dig deep and get to the root of my beliefs, which sometimes hold me back! She provides very perceptive insights, and leads me through a process that drives me to more clearly define my wants, needs, and desires, along with actions I am committed to taking to move myself closer to the vision I hold for my future. I look forward to continuing this journey with Maureen, and highly recommend her as a teacher and coach. If you have the opportunity to work with her, do not hesitate for a second -- just say YES!less

Laura Prisc

Founder at Leadership & Life Potential, LLC

Owner, La Teraz

I have known Maureen as a counsellor, always really coaching for almost 20 years. I know very few people with the integrety and consistency that I have seen in the last two decades. Maureen has been teaching and guiding people in making choices for as long as I can remember with a professionalism and knowledge that is admired by other counselors in the city, including myself. When we host our own team building programs at La Teraz, even though I have training in the field and followed her courses in Choice Theory, I call her and her partner to facilitate the group's segment on Choice Theory. When I need to get honnest and reliable feedback, she is one of the primary people I consult in my own business to get the right questions asked to help me make my own choices to reach my ideal world in business. I not only accept to offer a recommendation I am honoured to refer her as one of the best in her field.less

Owner, La Teraz

Business Development Consultant

Rachelle Daigle

Met Maureen many years ago during a difficult life transition. She was recommended to me and I have been grateful for the connection. Through her teaching of Choice Theory she provides clarity, direction and empowerment to act. I have since been recommending her to anyone I know who is in need of her type of services. You can go see other couselors for months and start to feel better or you can go see Maureen and get direction within a few visits. the results last a life time. 
Love what you do Maureen!less

Rachelle Daigle

Business Development Consultant

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Maureen is a warm person who is passionate about making a difference in the lives of the people she works with. She is very knowledgeable in her field and much can be learned from her! Maureen thank you so much for a great and "ah ha" filled training, you are a great instructor and such an inspiration. The reason I took this course is because of someone who you taught in the past, which i think says a lot. I felt so comfortable, and your enthusiasm and passion made me want to pay attention to every word. I so look forward to continuing on this journey! Jill Wakelin

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Helping Financial Advisors (Heroes) Change Lives Forever!

LA Teraz

I very much agree that this training is of utmost benefit to anyone in counselling and in business and sales, I will decline, as i believe it so beneficial that I went for the full certification last year. Maureen is an excellent trainer and I benefited so much with her support, not only in certification, but in all the previous years of knowing this amazing coach. Wishing everyone the best experience in choosing to open this new door to understanding human behavior and choices

LA Teraz