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Moncton Reality Therapy Consultants

Creating a world where people experience "Happy Relationships"

 Dr. William Glasser, world renowned psychiatrist wrote that the main reason people are unhappy is because of a relationship that is not the way they want it to be. Most relationship problems are of one or more of the following variations based on external control.

1. I want you to do something you don’t want to do .

You see we call carry pictures in our head of people, places, things and strong values and we are always behaving to get what we want.  But what happens when what you want to do is different from what someone else in your life wants to do?  Do you spend your time, energy and effort trying to get that person to do something they do not want to do? Do you ever stop to ask yourself, how important is what you want versus the importance of your relationship?

2. You want me to do something I don’t want to do. So now how am I receiving this request to do something I don’t want to do? Is it that I really do not want to do it? Is it in the best interest of my relationship to at least consider it?  Or is it in my best interest to just fight for what I want to do and enlarge the distance between me and the other person.

3. We both want each other to do something neither of us wants to do.  This usually comes down to attending some sort of function that you both may feel obligated to attend. This being said, are you going to fulfill that obligation and accept it as it, or are you going to decide together not to fulfill that obligation? If you choose to do it then recognize you both are choosing to do something neither, of you want to do and that you do have a choice. It makes no sense to bicker and argue with each other unless you want to distance yourself from the other person.

4. I’m trying to force myself to do something I don’t want to do and I am doing this to please someone else.  When you find yourself, in this situation, who is the person responsible? When you choose to do something to please someone else then understand it is a choice that you make.  Hopefully you do something like this because you know it will help your relationship with the other person, but if you are doing it because you believe you have no choice and you are filling yourself with resentments, understand that collecting resentments is the number one killer of relationships,

As we move forward through this year’s end and into next year, ask yourself, “ Who’s behavior can I control? Hopefully, your answer will be, “ only my own”. If you can find a way to get more of what you want without infringing on the rights and needs of others, you will have a much better relationship.

We can choose the deadly relationship habits of blaming, complaining, nagging, criticizing, threatening, punishing and rewarding in an attempt to control or we can focus on the Caring Habits of encouraging, supporting, loving, respecting, trusting, listening and negotiating difference.  The Deadly Habits will destroy our relationships. The Caring Habits will build our relationships stronger

Storms of life

Today in Eastern Canada, I am thinking about the current weather system  and how it can literally turn our lives upside down.  We can have all the plans in the world but if a power greater than yourself takes over your plans can easily be put aside, unless you are up for the challenge of putting yourself at risk as well as others around you.

I remember all those years working as a nurse, especially those years as an operating room nurse. How hard we worked to get ourselves to the hospital even in a storm. Nurses and other health professionals put their lives at risk to save the lives of others who needed emergency services.

Paramedics, Firefighters, policemen and snow plow operators to name a few work diligently during a storm to keep us all safe. What role do we play in our own safety during a storm? Do we take precautions? Do we have a little extra in the house for food? I love the term “ storm chips” but if we have a lot of storms those chips may not be the healthiest.  (in terms of keep ourselves). It is like giving our selves permission to enjoy one of life’s small pleasures when everything else is out of our control.

Many people have said that they enjoy a good snowstorm because their plans are disrupted and they cannot leave the house so they take the opportunity to do some reflection or something else that they have been putting off.

How are snowstorms like the storms of life? Sometimes events take place over which we have no control, yet we want to control them.  This is when I say it is time to take a look at what is in your control and what is out of your control. Adapt just like you would in a snowstorm.  Control what you can and let the rest take care of itself. As difficult as that may seem, what is your alternative?

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506-386-5868

I came across this wonderful quote from Les Brown who also suggested that we shoot for the moon and we may land on a star. What a wonderful speaker he is! 

“Know your worth! Do not fall into the trap of believing that who you are and what you are worth are dependent on who you are with or what you have. No one can ever give you your self-worth. You decide if you let someone rob you of it. Become aware of how you medicate the pain in your life. It may include food, shopping, alcohol, drugs, or relationships which continue to diminish your sense of self.

You will never truly feel good until you learn to love yourself unconditionally. Your life is a gift. Say to yourself constantly..."I deserve the best that life has to offer." Live from this place. Make it a point to build new relationships that are positive, encouraging and supportive. Take it upon yourself to develop a sense of purpose, optimism, discipline. Realize that no one can take away your most valuable assets - your mind and your self-esteem, without your permission. You have GREATNESS within you!”  Les Brown

Every once in a while I think it is important that we step back and take a look at how we are treating ourselves. I think this quote about is one that we could all post on a wall somewhere and just remind ourselves that we do deserve the best that life has to offer!  Stop and think about what is your purpose and your own inner greatness.

I love that Les says no one can give you your self-worth and you decide if you are going to get someone rob you of it. I have talked before about three little words in the English language with big meaning.  I speak about how we are taught from a very early age not to be selfish and to share with others.  Sometimes this is reinforced so much that we do lose sight of ourselves and we give and give and give until we have nothing left and we become self-less . Take these words of Les Brown and remind yourself that you need to stop every now and then and take stock and fill yourself (become Self-full) up so you can serve others.

What are you doing for yourself today?

www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

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Recently, I worked with a client who wanted to discuss her lack of confidence. As a coach I wanted to get clearer. So I said: ‘Explain to me what you mean by more confidence. “

She went on to talk about all the areas in her life where she is lacking confidence. Her children are grown and have personal relationship issues. She somehow took this on to mean she was a terrible mother and she was allowing this to cross over into her work life.

She is going to a business meeting with a group of peers and she wishes she could just show up with confidence. She is telling herself that she does not have much to offer and that “everyone else” is more educated and smarter than her. I asked her:

“ Is that true”?

She looked at me wide eyed and said “ no, it is not true, I really do not know.”  I then asked her how it served her to think that way. She agreed it did not and she was amazed at how she let herself go down that rabbit hole!

You see, what you think about you become! She is struggling with a relationship issue with one person and has given her power to that person without even realizing it. We looked a limiting beliefs, her strengths and times in her life where she felt confident.

She said, I need to “ feel” it. “ Feel” the confidence. As soon as she looked at times when she had felt confident, she looked at me and said” I have it, I have the feeling back!”

She had it within her the whole time.  This is the value of working with a coach! A coach gets really curious about things and asks the questions to bring out what you already have inside. What are you doing to invest in yourself? Have you ever thought about working with a coach?

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506-386-5868

Subcategories

Heath J.

In my mid-30s, I made a life-changing decision to return to university. I sold my house and my car and moved to another country with my partner. It was all in pursuit of a dream career as a university professor. The problem? It made me miserable. Back in Canada for a few months, I sought out Maureen’s counsel. The decision was difficult for me: spend another two years studying something I disliked in a foreign country, but get closer to my dream job, or stop studying and pursue an alternate career path. Maureen never pressured, never judged. She taught me about choice theory, and helped me to identify and manage my insecurities. I found her to be a trustworthy, friendly voice of reason in a difficult, trying time.

I stopped my university studies, and a month later accepted an extremely fulfilling job as a college instructor and department head. I have the job I would have wanted, even if I had finished my degree. I feel happy, challenged and fulfilled. My personal relationships have also benefited from my certainty of choice and confidence. Maureen helped me find my way, and I am grateful for her wise counsel.

Heath J., Moncton

Barb

I thank you for all the opportunities and support you have given me over the many years of our friendship.

My relationship with you and Choice Choice theory has constantly guided and directed my life in a positive direction. The ability to change my thinking enriches my life each day. It helped me survive during the days of my deepest grief. You love your life and all those you have helped love you!

Barbara Rombough

Liette M. Collier

Choice Theory is a powerful life-changing tool. Its language has become a part of me and brings shared-awareness to my family and friends, clients, group participants, and work peers alike. Once we acknowledge the power of choice, that we own it, and that the impact of benefits and consequences alike are ours, we become not only empowered but also released from limiting beliefs and false boundaries.

Liette M. Collier

Robin Sauve

Maureen is a true expert in Choice Theory. She finds a way to apply relevant, practical applications of the theory into real life. Through coaching, Maureen invests a lot of time with her clients, making sure we consider all options. She is an excellent compassionate guide in this journey called life.

Robin Sauve, Marketing Manager

Wholesale & Specialty Products at Irving Oil

Carleen Glasser

Maureen is an outstanding faculty member of the William Glasser Institute! She has expertise in so many areas of the helping professions her contributions to the well-being and happiness of countless people of all ages is truly commendable. If only they could clone Maureen the world would be such a better place!

Carleen Glasser, CEO William Glasser, Inc.

Senior Faculty, Glasser Institute

Laura Prisc

I have been blessed to work with Maureen for several months, as my personal coach. She has skillfully facilitated my personal growth by asking the kinds of questions that require me to dig deep and get to the root of my beliefs, which sometimes hold me back! She provides very perceptive insights, and leads me through a process that drives me to more clearly define my wants, needs, and desires, along with actions I am committed to taking to move myself closer to the vision I hold for my future. I look forward to continuing this journey with Maureen, and highly recommend her as a teacher and coach. If you have the opportunity to work with her, do not hesitate for a second -- just say YES!less

Laura Prisc

Founder at Leadership & Life Potential, LLC

Owner, La Teraz

I have known Maureen as a counsellor, always really coaching for almost 20 years. I know very few people with the integrety and consistency that I have seen in the last two decades. Maureen has been teaching and guiding people in making choices for as long as I can remember with a professionalism and knowledge that is admired by other counselors in the city, including myself. When we host our own team building programs at La Teraz, even though I have training in the field and followed her courses in Choice Theory, I call her and her partner to facilitate the group's segment on Choice Theory. When I need to get honnest and reliable feedback, she is one of the primary people I consult in my own business to get the right questions asked to help me make my own choices to reach my ideal world in business. I not only accept to offer a recommendation I am honoured to refer her as one of the best in her field.less

Owner, La Teraz

Business Development Consultant

Rachelle Daigle

Met Maureen many years ago during a difficult life transition. She was recommended to me and I have been grateful for the connection. Through her teaching of Choice Theory she provides clarity, direction and empowerment to act. I have since been recommending her to anyone I know who is in need of her type of services. You can go see other couselors for months and start to feel better or you can go see Maureen and get direction within a few visits. the results last a life time. 
Love what you do Maureen!less

Rachelle Daigle

Business Development Consultant

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Maureen is a warm person who is passionate about making a difference in the lives of the people she works with. She is very knowledgeable in her field and much can be learned from her! Maureen thank you so much for a great and "ah ha" filled training, you are a great instructor and such an inspiration. The reason I took this course is because of someone who you taught in the past, which i think says a lot. I felt so comfortable, and your enthusiasm and passion made me want to pay attention to every word. I so look forward to continuing on this journey! Jill Wakelin

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Helping Financial Advisors (Heroes) Change Lives Forever!

LA Teraz

I very much agree that this training is of utmost benefit to anyone in counselling and in business and sales, I will decline, as i believe it so beneficial that I went for the full certification last year. Maureen is an excellent trainer and I benefited so much with her support, not only in certification, but in all the previous years of knowing this amazing coach. Wishing everyone the best experience in choosing to open this new door to understanding human behavior and choices

LA Teraz