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Moncton Reality Therapy Consultants

Creating a world where people experience "Happy Relationships"

Today I received this quote in my e-mail inbox. “ How you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you!”  As I pondered this quote, I asked myself a couple of questions:

1. First, can I really make someone feel a certain way?

2. Secondly, if I truly can, then I am very powerful?

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes we share quotes without thinking a whole lot about what we are saying. Sounds good right?  If we “ make “ someone feel bad by the behavior we choose then yes, it says a lot about me.  

Here is the idea. We are a society that believes we have that much control over other human beings.  However, Eleanor D. Roosevelt said: “ no one can make you feel inferior without your permission!”  What did she mean by that?  I believe she was suggesting that we alone are responsible for how we feel about anything that happens around us. This is a strong stance but it is so true.

Victor Frankl while held in the concentration camps said that the one thing that they could not control was his mind and his thoughts. When we make statements that indicate that we can actually control someone else’s mind, do we really believe that?

What are the implications of this quote? Is there a better way to say it?  How about something like: “How others feel when they are with you says a lot about you!”  Yes we can attempt to influence others but that is about all we can do and yes if someone is abusive, we feel miserable and we cannot help that feeling at that time but we do have control over what we do and if we choose to internalize it as our truth then, it feel like , they made us feel that way.  

Even the Webster Dictionary says we can “make someone happy” or “make someone sad.” How powerful is that! If I really had that kind of control, I would just make everyone happy!

www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

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This past weekend I was thinking about influence. We see a lot of articles about influencing others but I started to ponder some of the influencers in my life. I guess it started when I saw a video post from Tony Robins who spoke of giving his last cent to a young boy so he could take his mother to dinner.

He was so impressed with the boy who was about 8 he gave his last cents away not knowing where the next penny was coming from.  The next day, he received a letter in the mail from someone who owed him a nice sum of money.  He said it was at that moment that he overcame his beliefs around the “ scarcity mindset”

Sometimes we are moved to action, because we feel so inspired by someone or an event in our lives. I started to think about some of the great influencers in my life. Some influencers were good and some not so good.  

There was the time I was told I could not go to “ dance lessons “ because I was too fat! There were the teachers who said if I would just pay attention I would be a lot smarter. I am sure I would have received the diagnosis of ADD or something in today’s system.

Then, there are those who really influence you in a way that add value to you.  I was almost 40 years old when I realized, I was in fact smart and that my day- dreaming was me taking an idea and running with it in my mind and even developing new ideas and programs.  I could have held on to the idea that because I was a dreamer, I was not going to be so smart or I could embrace the new information.

As far as dancing goes, I am still very much a dancer. I was never fat when I was told that but today even as a heavier person, I have the beat! I love dancing. It is all about the way we perceive information and what we do with that information.

So today, I am making big important decisions based on my dreams and dancing my way to success. How about you? Who influences you?  What is holding you back if anything?

www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

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What are your biggest fears? I have learned that most people say their number one fear is public speaking. They say they would rather die than speak in public! What is this about?

I am an accidental public speaker! Sometimes life gives you a challenge that leads you to where you are meant to be in order to share your innate talents. If someone had told me I was meant to be speaking in public I would have told that person that I thought they were on another planet.

That is exactly what happened! Many years ago, I was the first nurse hired to work in Reproductive Health in my province. This is now the Sexual Health Program.  It was a 9-5 job and I had a young family! Two months into the job, the district medical health officer arrived at the office and stated that he had our first speaking engagement for us. We were to speak to 60 parents at a local school.

I thought I would die on the spot. My heart was racing! What am I going to do? I could go back to safety and do shift work and never have to worry about speaking or I could push myself through my comfort zone and work hard and just do it. This is exactly what my co-worker and I did. She was just as scared as I was.

The night arrived and we fought over the lectern. Who was going to stand behind it? It is funny looking back to that first speaking engagement.  The reward was amazing though!

The audience was so appreciative of the information they had received they spread the word and we spoke 110 times, that first year, and really became comfortable experts. Oh, there was always a little apprehension, but we got better and better and loved it more and more.

Tonight I am sharing more of my journey in public speaking at an open house for Toastmasters in the Miramichi, New Brunswick.  I love adding value to others today and if  I can do anything to help others move forward I am up for the challenge.

Done with Darkle

Sometimes on Saturday morning, my significant other and  I get up early and go out for breakfast before heading to the local market. This past Saturday we did just that. I got up and started thinking about what I would wear and I decided wear my white turtle- neck, because we would attend the basketball game later in the day and I would just have to add my booster club shirt.  I grabbed a vest out of my closet and put it over the turtle- neck and off we went. My goal was to be warm.

While we were waiting to order, one of the waitresses that we know came by and commented on my attire. She said: “ I love your vest, it is covered in bling!” Without missing a beat, I said: “ Thank-you, I just believe that you may as well sparkle!

She burst out laughing. I still do not know what was so funny and it played on my mind for a good part of the day. Did I believe what I said? Of course, I did, but why was it funny? It obviously touched her in a way that she could laugh and maybe it brightened her day.

But as I think about it, what is the opposite of sparkle? I decided to look up the opposite. It seems that the opposite of sparkle is “ darkle”. Now I am laughing! Darkle means to be cloudy or gloomy where as, sparkle means witty and bright. Which would you rather be, Sparkle or Darkle?

Dr. William Glasser always said that we should pay attention  when we laugh at something. There is a good possibility that we have learned something new.  Darkle was a new term to me!

The other point I want to make is we have a choice how we go about in our daily activities whether personally and or professionally. Do you sparkle or do you darkle? I hope you sparkle because it is way more fun and people will love you for it.

www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

www.maureencraigmcintosh.com

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Subcategories

Heath J.

In my mid-30s, I made a life-changing decision to return to university. I sold my house and my car and moved to another country with my partner. It was all in pursuit of a dream career as a university professor. The problem? It made me miserable. Back in Canada for a few months, I sought out Maureen’s counsel. The decision was difficult for me: spend another two years studying something I disliked in a foreign country, but get closer to my dream job, or stop studying and pursue an alternate career path. Maureen never pressured, never judged. She taught me about choice theory, and helped me to identify and manage my insecurities. I found her to be a trustworthy, friendly voice of reason in a difficult, trying time.

I stopped my university studies, and a month later accepted an extremely fulfilling job as a college instructor and department head. I have the job I would have wanted, even if I had finished my degree. I feel happy, challenged and fulfilled. My personal relationships have also benefited from my certainty of choice and confidence. Maureen helped me find my way, and I am grateful for her wise counsel.

Heath J., Moncton

Barb

I thank you for all the opportunities and support you have given me over the many years of our friendship.

My relationship with you and Choice Choice theory has constantly guided and directed my life in a positive direction. The ability to change my thinking enriches my life each day. It helped me survive during the days of my deepest grief. You love your life and all those you have helped love you!

Barbara Rombough

Liette M. Collier

Choice Theory is a powerful life-changing tool. Its language has become a part of me and brings shared-awareness to my family and friends, clients, group participants, and work peers alike. Once we acknowledge the power of choice, that we own it, and that the impact of benefits and consequences alike are ours, we become not only empowered but also released from limiting beliefs and false boundaries.

Liette M. Collier

Robin Sauve

Maureen is a true expert in Choice Theory. She finds a way to apply relevant, practical applications of the theory into real life. Through coaching, Maureen invests a lot of time with her clients, making sure we consider all options. She is an excellent compassionate guide in this journey called life.

Robin Sauve, Marketing Manager

Wholesale & Specialty Products at Irving Oil

Carleen Glasser

Maureen is an outstanding faculty member of the William Glasser Institute! She has expertise in so many areas of the helping professions her contributions to the well-being and happiness of countless people of all ages is truly commendable. If only they could clone Maureen the world would be such a better place!

Carleen Glasser, CEO William Glasser, Inc.

Senior Faculty, Glasser Institute

Laura Prisc

I have been blessed to work with Maureen for several months, as my personal coach. She has skillfully facilitated my personal growth by asking the kinds of questions that require me to dig deep and get to the root of my beliefs, which sometimes hold me back! She provides very perceptive insights, and leads me through a process that drives me to more clearly define my wants, needs, and desires, along with actions I am committed to taking to move myself closer to the vision I hold for my future. I look forward to continuing this journey with Maureen, and highly recommend her as a teacher and coach. If you have the opportunity to work with her, do not hesitate for a second -- just say YES!less

Laura Prisc

Founder at Leadership & Life Potential, LLC

Owner, La Teraz

I have known Maureen as a counsellor, always really coaching for almost 20 years. I know very few people with the integrety and consistency that I have seen in the last two decades. Maureen has been teaching and guiding people in making choices for as long as I can remember with a professionalism and knowledge that is admired by other counselors in the city, including myself. When we host our own team building programs at La Teraz, even though I have training in the field and followed her courses in Choice Theory, I call her and her partner to facilitate the group's segment on Choice Theory. When I need to get honnest and reliable feedback, she is one of the primary people I consult in my own business to get the right questions asked to help me make my own choices to reach my ideal world in business. I not only accept to offer a recommendation I am honoured to refer her as one of the best in her field.less

Owner, La Teraz

Business Development Consultant

Rachelle Daigle

Met Maureen many years ago during a difficult life transition. She was recommended to me and I have been grateful for the connection. Through her teaching of Choice Theory she provides clarity, direction and empowerment to act. I have since been recommending her to anyone I know who is in need of her type of services. You can go see other couselors for months and start to feel better or you can go see Maureen and get direction within a few visits. the results last a life time. 
Love what you do Maureen!less

Rachelle Daigle

Business Development Consultant

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Maureen is a warm person who is passionate about making a difference in the lives of the people she works with. She is very knowledgeable in her field and much can be learned from her! Maureen thank you so much for a great and "ah ha" filled training, you are a great instructor and such an inspiration. The reason I took this course is because of someone who you taught in the past, which i think says a lot. I felt so comfortable, and your enthusiasm and passion made me want to pay attention to every word. I so look forward to continuing on this journey! Jill Wakelin

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Helping Financial Advisors (Heroes) Change Lives Forever!

LA Teraz

I very much agree that this training is of utmost benefit to anyone in counselling and in business and sales, I will decline, as i believe it so beneficial that I went for the full certification last year. Maureen is an excellent trainer and I benefited so much with her support, not only in certification, but in all the previous years of knowing this amazing coach. Wishing everyone the best experience in choosing to open this new door to understanding human behavior and choices

LA Teraz