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Moncton Reality Therapy Consultants

Creating a world where people experience "Happy Relationships"

That Makes Me Crazy!

“ No one can make you feel inferior without your permission!” Eleanor D. Roosevelt

These words ring so true for me and I would take them a step further to say: no one can make you do or feel anything you do not want to do or feel!

There is a very common language that is used everywhere from day to day conversation to radio, TV news, in all forms of media. It is called the language of “external control”

One of the most common statements is this:  “ How did that make you feel?”  The minute we say something like this we are implying that something or someone who is external to us can control us.  The more accurate statement is “ how do you feel?”

There is a big difference in these two statements.  Think about it!  In the media everyday events happen that trigger strong emotions in some people but not in others.  We may feel a certain way but it is primarily based on our own life experiences and how we perceive them, not just because of the event that occurred.  How does that make you feel implies that there is an external event, which is causing you to feel a certain way. It implies an excuse.

When we ask, how do you feel about this it implies personal control. It is something coming from within you.  Think about your personal relationships. So often we hear, he/ she made me so mad. I challenge that. They did not make you mad. You chose to be mad. This is a hard one to swallow I know.

But if no one can make you feel inferior without your permission why would anyone be able to make you mad without your permission? To learn more about external versus internal control visit www.choicetheorytraining.com and sign up for my daily musings by mo.

www.maureencraigmcintosh.com

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506-386-5868

Execute Kitchen Renovations like a Business Plan

It has been three weeks now that we have been in the midst of kitchen renovations. This is something I have been planning to do for a very long time but feared having all the upset.

Guess what? It has not been all that bad and I think it is because we took the last year to plan it out.  It is like creating a business plan.

First we discussed our Vision of what a new kitchen could look like and what we wanted in that kitchen.  We knew we did not want to change the basic design because we like the design we had. We knew we wanted all drawers in the bottom of the cupboards for easy access and we knew we wanted an island with a place to sit. 

Then we discussed colors, type of wood, counter top , etc. Once we created our picture we were able to set out our mission.

Our mission was to find someone who could do the work for us in a timely and cost effective manner and give us what we wanted. Next came the goals. We would plan to visit “x” number of places to discuss what they could do for us. We would tell them what we wanted and ask for a quote.  We would also check out appliances that would match the picture that we had for our kitchen. 

We took our time and we talked with friends and suppliers and finally we made a choice and the renovations began. We had goals around that as well. We expected to be living without a kitchen for at least two weeks but would plan for three. Then we executed our plan.

As I look at this, I realize we have not experienced a lot of frustration because we took our time to become clear on what we wanted to move us forward. We did the research and asked questions about what are important to us and we sought references.

Did I say we planned a budget as well? Lots to think about and to be purposeful in doing. Would we spend as much time in our businesses or our entrepreneurial world to be focused and bring about the results that we want or do we just let things happen?

Our kitchen will be finished in a day or two. Then the plan will be to get rid of excess and give gently used items to others and we start putting our stuff into our new cupboards. Good planning can avoid a lot of heartache and frees you to build the relationships needed for a quality product.

Yours in growing awareness

Maureen Craig McIntosh

www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

To Boss or Lead! That is the Question!

In today’s economy, the way we manage people is needs to be a top priority. Is it important to create a need satisfying environment? The answer is “ yes”! Do often we become wrapped up in the day- to- day operation of our business and lose sight of our most important customer, our employee. If your employee does not feel valued this feeling will be transferred to you buying customer.

Have you ever gone shopping to a retail store and been treated poorly? The person behind the counter or on the floor are more interested in talking to their friends on their cell phone than they are in serving you?  Have you ever walked away feeling like that was a waste of time, nobody was even interested in me? Employees who are feeling unimportant or undervalued and have no joy or ownership in their work will do just enough work to get the paycheck, which is often minimum wage.

How often do we enter an establishment and feel like we are the number one person there? You are served with a smile and no matter how many questions or demands you may have, you are always treated with respect. It seems like such a happy place yet we know that most are working for minimum wage. So what’s the difference?

I am suggesting the difference comes down to management. In the first case the management may look like this:

1. The boss sets the task and the standards for what has to be done.

2. They usually tell the work what to do and rarely asks for input

3. The boss inspects the work

4. The boss uses coercion and punishment in order to get the worker to do the task the way they want it done.

In the second scenario

1. The lead manager engages the workers in an ongoing, honest discussion of both the cost and the quality of the work needed to be done for the company to be successful.

2. The lead manager, or his designate, shows or models the job so that the worker who is to do the job can see exactly what the manager expects

3. The lead manager eliminates most inspectors and inspections. He or she teaches the workers to evaluate their own work understanding they know their work better than anyone else.

4. The lead manager continually teaches and models for the workers that the essence of quality  is constant improvement..

So often it is the system itself that creates the problems…it is management’s responsibility to work on the system. The worker works in the system.  Workplace relationships are key to quality products, employee retention, satisfaction and quality customer service. Taken from the work of Dr. William Glasser .

www.maureencraigmcintosh.com   This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  506-386-5868

Sweet Sixteen!

Sweet sixteen? As I ponder the Millennial, we are now 16 years in. It is like a child who is growing and changing. In our youth there is all the innocence of a child as they learn and grow.

As they enter their middle teen years, 13-15, they start striving for independence and there is a lot of struggles and conflicts often with parents, teachers and peers as they work to figure out who they are and start demanding their freedom. It is a time of increased peer pressure as well.  Then the sweet sixteen arrives.

Sweet sixteen is celebrated as a coming of age so to speak. It is a time when we can now get a driver’s license and sign our own consents.

So here we are in the millennial, in our coming of age! So what is 2016 and your coming of age going to look like? Are you going to go for your dreams? Are you going to drive your own life? Are you going to give yourself consent to go for those pictures you have in your head?

How are you going to take care of your relationships both at home and in the workplace? Common of age comes with it’s responsibilities as well. We get our driver’s license but that also means we must follow the rules and the laws of the road, including those set out by our family.  So just as we enter 2016 and we choose to follow our goals, dreams and aspirations, let’ not lose site of the most important relationships in your life!

It is time of great potential? Are you going to control it or is it going to control you? How will you fill yourself up to continue to serve those around you? Sweet sixteen is full of potential! Will you set your goals and follow through for the dreams you are aspiring to?

The field of professional coaching has been around for about 25 years. Have you ever considered working with a coach? A coach can ask you questions to help you dig deep inside and find your own inner genius. I have a couple of spots opening up in February.  You can find out more about me and my coaching, training and speaking right here:  www.maureencraigmcintosh.com 

To receive daily “ Musings by Mo, I invite you to join my inner circle by signing up here www.therelationshipentrepreneur.com

Yours in growing awareness

Maureen Craig McIntosh

Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker

Subcategories

Heath J.

In my mid-30s, I made a life-changing decision to return to university. I sold my house and my car and moved to another country with my partner. It was all in pursuit of a dream career as a university professor. The problem? It made me miserable. Back in Canada for a few months, I sought out Maureen’s counsel. The decision was difficult for me: spend another two years studying something I disliked in a foreign country, but get closer to my dream job, or stop studying and pursue an alternate career path. Maureen never pressured, never judged. She taught me about choice theory, and helped me to identify and manage my insecurities. I found her to be a trustworthy, friendly voice of reason in a difficult, trying time.

I stopped my university studies, and a month later accepted an extremely fulfilling job as a college instructor and department head. I have the job I would have wanted, even if I had finished my degree. I feel happy, challenged and fulfilled. My personal relationships have also benefited from my certainty of choice and confidence. Maureen helped me find my way, and I am grateful for her wise counsel.

Heath J., Moncton

Barb

I thank you for all the opportunities and support you have given me over the many years of our friendship.

My relationship with you and Choice Choice theory has constantly guided and directed my life in a positive direction. The ability to change my thinking enriches my life each day. It helped me survive during the days of my deepest grief. You love your life and all those you have helped love you!

Barbara Rombough

Liette M. Collier

Choice Theory is a powerful life-changing tool. Its language has become a part of me and brings shared-awareness to my family and friends, clients, group participants, and work peers alike. Once we acknowledge the power of choice, that we own it, and that the impact of benefits and consequences alike are ours, we become not only empowered but also released from limiting beliefs and false boundaries.

Liette M. Collier

Robin Sauve

Maureen is a true expert in Choice Theory. She finds a way to apply relevant, practical applications of the theory into real life. Through coaching, Maureen invests a lot of time with her clients, making sure we consider all options. She is an excellent compassionate guide in this journey called life.

Robin Sauve, Marketing Manager

Wholesale & Specialty Products at Irving Oil

Carleen Glasser

Maureen is an outstanding faculty member of the William Glasser Institute! She has expertise in so many areas of the helping professions her contributions to the well-being and happiness of countless people of all ages is truly commendable. If only they could clone Maureen the world would be such a better place!

Carleen Glasser, CEO William Glasser, Inc.

Senior Faculty, Glasser Institute

Laura Prisc

I have been blessed to work with Maureen for several months, as my personal coach. She has skillfully facilitated my personal growth by asking the kinds of questions that require me to dig deep and get to the root of my beliefs, which sometimes hold me back! She provides very perceptive insights, and leads me through a process that drives me to more clearly define my wants, needs, and desires, along with actions I am committed to taking to move myself closer to the vision I hold for my future. I look forward to continuing this journey with Maureen, and highly recommend her as a teacher and coach. If you have the opportunity to work with her, do not hesitate for a second -- just say YES!less

Laura Prisc

Founder at Leadership & Life Potential, LLC

Owner, La Teraz

I have known Maureen as a counsellor, always really coaching for almost 20 years. I know very few people with the integrety and consistency that I have seen in the last two decades. Maureen has been teaching and guiding people in making choices for as long as I can remember with a professionalism and knowledge that is admired by other counselors in the city, including myself. When we host our own team building programs at La Teraz, even though I have training in the field and followed her courses in Choice Theory, I call her and her partner to facilitate the group's segment on Choice Theory. When I need to get honnest and reliable feedback, she is one of the primary people I consult in my own business to get the right questions asked to help me make my own choices to reach my ideal world in business. I not only accept to offer a recommendation I am honoured to refer her as one of the best in her field.less

Owner, La Teraz

Business Development Consultant

Rachelle Daigle

Met Maureen many years ago during a difficult life transition. She was recommended to me and I have been grateful for the connection. Through her teaching of Choice Theory she provides clarity, direction and empowerment to act. I have since been recommending her to anyone I know who is in need of her type of services. You can go see other couselors for months and start to feel better or you can go see Maureen and get direction within a few visits. the results last a life time. 
Love what you do Maureen!less

Rachelle Daigle

Business Development Consultant

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Maureen is a warm person who is passionate about making a difference in the lives of the people she works with. She is very knowledgeable in her field and much can be learned from her! Maureen thank you so much for a great and "ah ha" filled training, you are a great instructor and such an inspiration. The reason I took this course is because of someone who you taught in the past, which i think says a lot. I felt so comfortable, and your enthusiasm and passion made me want to pay attention to every word. I so look forward to continuing on this journey! Jill Wakelin

Richard Chartrand CFP, CHS, CLU

Helping Financial Advisors (Heroes) Change Lives Forever!

LA Teraz

I very much agree that this training is of utmost benefit to anyone in counselling and in business and sales, I will decline, as i believe it so beneficial that I went for the full certification last year. Maureen is an excellent trainer and I benefited so much with her support, not only in certification, but in all the previous years of knowing this amazing coach. Wishing everyone the best experience in choosing to open this new door to understanding human behavior and choices

LA Teraz